Promise

A friend of mine was praying. While he prayed, the word “marriage” came to him again and again. “But I am already married, Lord,” my friend said aloud. “What does this mean?” He continued to pray and then he heard a name come from God. He thought he must tell this person, but before he did, he prayed for two weeks to make sure he had heard correctly.

My friend came up to me in church. I had not seen him in a while.

“I’ve got something to tell you,” he said. “Something I heard from God.”

I was intrigued and admittedly a little nervous. I thought perhaps God wanted something big from me; to move to another country or become a missionary.

“God told me that you will be married,” my friend said to me.

I smiled and blinked as I stared blanky.

I have thought so many things since that moment. I’ve asked my friend if he heard the word “soon” or if another name was given. My friend smiled and said “no” to these things. This friend of mine is solid. He is a man of his word and has heard things from God before. This leads me to believe that he is not lying and that he did in fact hear something.

I am a worrier. I worry that I will die alone (it is my greatest fear). I worry that I am not stable enough for a marriage. I worry that I won’t be able to provide financial support. I worry about so many things: my lack of physical fitness, unstable mental health, struggles to start a career,  but I think I worry the most about never finding love.

So in the midst of all that worry and doubt came a promise from God:

You will be married.

I struggle with deep depression. Perhaps this is God’s way of saying “hold on.” I think he knows my greatest fear and speaks against it. “I got you, even in that dark place.”

I am glad for that knowledge. I am glad for the peace that comes from it. I am going to try and believe the promise God made to me and all the other promises he has made to all of us. I am going to try and leave worry behind and pick up hope instead. It is much lighter, I’m sure. 

When You Speak

The thundering voice spoke today
You spoke today
I have been waiting
And today I listened

You said few words
But I heard them
You said, “Do not worry”
And then You said it again

I worry Lord
I worry ‘til there’s no more time left in the day
I worry and believe lies
I worry Lord

But today you said, “Do not”
So with my hands out I say, “Ok”
I will try and listen
Even though tomorrow I may not

Even though tomorrow, I’ll forget
And wrap myself up in all these lies
Until they are familiar
Until they become my friends

But today you said, “Do not”
And today I say, “Ok”
I will not worry today
I will believe in You alone

I will fight with the breath left
I will stand and face it
I will love
I will love You, God

Show me what You will
Show me Your will
Show me, Lord
For I will not worry today

Not after what You said